Dear You (Day 1 entry)

Dear You,
Di ko na kaya to. Di ko alam kung kakayanin pa ng pag-iyak ko na mabawasan ang sakit. Kasi ang sakit sakit na. Di ko na alam ang gagawin. Di ko na alam kung paano, paano iindahin, kasi sobra na. Nasasaktan na ako. Lahat ginawa ko na, mag-travel, magpaka-wasted at makihalubilo sa tao. Pero wala. Wala pa rin. Nasasaktan pa rin ako. Ito ba yun? Ito ba yung sinasabi nila na pagmahal mo ang isang tao, hindi basta bastang mawawala. Ito ba yun? Kasi nakakamatay e. Di ko na kilala sarili. Di ko na alam kung sino ako. Pagod na akong maging ako. Kasi namimiss ko na yung dating ako. I’m trying to be a better person pero feeling ko I’m turning to be the worst person. Bakit ganito? Bakit feeling ko napakawalang kwento ko? Tang*na di ko na alam kung paano at ano yung pwede maging gateway ng lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Di ko na alam kung paano. Di ko na alam kung paano ko to kakayanin.


lone ranger


Lost in a Perfect Panorama



Lost in a Perfect Panorama

     What if the perfection of the perfect panorama fades away just because of a situation you didn’t expect?

I am still holding her. It was around 3:00 in the afternoon when we left the school ground and spent around 20 or 30 minutes in a jeep. Then, we arrived at the buttom of the paragliding site in Maasim where we’ll start our hike. It’s a long walk in an uphill road and I was already worn out before we arrived at the top of the site. But before that, while we were going up we already saw the partial view of the Sarangani Bay. The Sarangani Bay looks so perfect from up there though it was drizzling. I keep on capturing using my camera the perfect view of the bay for my personal blog and a remembrance of the trip. We also took ‘groufies’ with my friends. Although, we were already tired and weary walking, we still manage to laugh and crack a joke with each other to ease tiredness.

It was already raining when we arrived at the top. I am already wet and tired. Me and my friends rest for awhile in the Kubo House before we head to the main site or at the Paragliding site where we will stay overnight. After a short rest, we head out to the site. We went to our cottage and pay for our foods and transportation. I am still holding her. We ate our dinner together with my blockmates and other AB-English students. After that, we rest for awhile. I changed my clothes and wore a sweater to fight the cold. Our teacher suddenly called us to have an activity, but before that the owner of the site gave us a speech and we acknowledged him because he let us stay for free. I put her in my bag. He grouped us into 7 and gave us the first activity which is to compose a cheer based on the television series “Encantadia”. My co-members decided that our team was “Team Danaya” and we composed our cheer with matching dance steps. And I just keep on laughing because I can’t get the dance steps properly, well, most of us actually except our leader. After we finished presenting it, the other groups also presented their cheers and we were so laughing aloud because of the different cheers and weird dance steps that my blockmates made. There was also a showdown held by every leader of the group and the winner will receive 100 pesos from the owner of the site. So, eager to win, every leader put their best and danced like there’s no one watching them just to win the price. The team leader of group 2 picked as a winner.

After that, the second activity was to write all the synonyms that will describe the trip and the view from the top. We were sitting down together with my groupmates and thinking possible adjectives that will fit in to our situation. While thing about adjective words, I was captivated by the spectacular view of the city lights. The lights were sparkling and like dancing in the buttom. Afterwards, the third activity was to write a funny story that needs to have the characters dictated by sir. The rain started to fall, so we decided to share our ideas and wrote our stories inside our cottages. I’m still holding her. I’m still using her. Later as we finished the story, the other members went back to their respective cottage to fixed their things because the rain falls heavily. I went to our tent to checked our things. I am still holding her. I am still playing her. I saw the water enter our tent but still, I’m playing her because I’m having. fun with her She’s the one I can rely on when I’m alone and depressed. I decided to went back to the cottage where my friend were and I’m holding her despite of the rain dripping into her. I went back again to our tent and called Kent to tell him I’m fine even though I’m already wet from rain. I’m holding her even though I’m holding another. I never expected that it would be the last time I’ll hold her.

I went back again to our cottage to find some help to fixed our tent because we can’t already sleep their because the water really entered inside. So, we put our bags on the open cottage and fixed our tent and fold it. I never tried to hold her again because I’m already wet and I’m afraid to ruin her. I slept at around 12 in the midnight because I can’t sleep because my things were all wet and it was so cold. Despite of the cold, I tried to slept. Around 5 in the morning, theview was so perfect because of the sunrise and the view of the whole Sarangani Bay. I decided to find her. I find it in my bag and I found nothing. I open the camera bag and I found nothing. “Stay calm Joanna” I said to myself. I tried to wake up my friend to borrow his phone to call her. “The number you have dialed is an unattended or out of coverage area” said the girl on the other phone. “Stay calm Joanna. Stay calm! She was just camouflaging inside your bag” I said again to myself. I open again my bag and this time I already dispersed my things outside my bag. I found nothing. “Inhale and exhale Joanna Mae” I said to composed myself. I kept on roaming around to find her and I found nothing. I declared that I lose her. I tried not to cry but I’m already shaking. Our professor tried to helped me find her. Bags by bags, still, I can’t find here.

I never expected that my perfect panorama will end like this. I was in the one of the best place in General Santos City where you can foresee the whole Sarangani Bay and the whole city. It was already a perfect panorama and experience for me. But, it fades away when the only thing I have been dreaming and wishing lost in an instance in one of the best place I’ve been. I accept my defeat. I accept that I lose her. I tried to composed myself. I called my mom, “Ma, I’m sorry. I took good care of her but I can’t control things away from thieves. I lost her. She’s gone.”

Apps for your Instagram Feed

Are you looking for a photo editor app that will suit your Instagram feed? Then, you are in a right site! These 6 apps are all free and it is also used by most of the famous bloggers and celebrities like Nadine Lustre (@nadzlustre),  a Filipina actress, Cassie Masangkay (@cassiemasangkay) of tothe9s, a youtube blogger, Mariane Lim (@limmariane) a fashion enthusiast and she is also a Clozette & Colourette Ambassador and James Reid (@jaye.wolf), one of the famous celebrity in Philippines who has a “feed-goals” in Instagram.

So here are the Top 5;

  1. VSCO


VSCO is a photography app where you can transform your photo to the next level as long as you know how to balance the preset, contrast, exposures and other adjustments. It enables you to combine photo-editing apps, picture-taking or and photo-sharing where you can meet different people who also uses VSCO. You can use VSCO in “theme-ing” your feed. VSCO is a free app. You can download it in the App Store or in the Play Store.

9/10 – Some presets are not free  and you need to pay for additional filters


2. Snapseed


Snapseed is an app by Google. It is a free app that can be downloaded in Play Store and App Store. If you’re more on photography, Snapseed is the best for you. It is like a mini Adobe Lightroom where you can tune, transform your image and if you want to brighten a part of your photo you can use the selective part. Snapseed is a great app in terms of tuning your images.

10/10 – Great in tuning images and you can choose different presets.


3. Afterlight


Afterlight is a paid app with a great features due to its uncluttered user interface. You can also adjust your photos, you can choose different filters, and you can add frames and transform your photo that looks like it has been taken by a polaroid.

8/10 – Being creative is one of the key to a great photo.


4. Picsart


Picsart is like a mini Photoshop app in your phone. You can transform your photo to a whole new different level depending on your skills in Photoshop and creativity. You can blend your photos with another photos, adjust the different adjustments in your photo, add stickers and effects, and a little bit of magic where you can turn your photo into a sketch or a painting. Picsart has many features that will help you turn your photo into a different level. In addition, Picsart also features a remix where you can edit the edit of the other people and turn it into your own way. Picart a free app. You can download it in Play Store and App Store.

9/10 – Your only limit in creativity is You.


5. Phonto


Phonto is a great typography app that allows you to add texts to your pictures. If you are fond of putting texts with an amazing font, then Phonto is an app for you. You can download your favorite font and you can use it through the help of Phonto. Phonto is a fully functional free app. You can download it in App Store and Play Store.

8.5/10 – Texts expresses thoughts but photos expresses more thoughts

A combination of this 2 or 3 apps out of this 5 suggested apps, you can surely produce your own best photo for your Instagram feed. Always remember that your only limit is you. Be creative and imaginative to make your feed a #FeedGoals one.

P.S: I’m using VSCO, Snapseed and Phonto (If I want to add texts) in my feed. Sometimes, I use Afterlight to add frames on my photos. Check out my instagram @mojojooow.


What Depression Feels Like?

I’ve been so sad this past few weeks. My mind and body was totally shutdown though I’m still breathing. I want to runaway. I want to escape life for a moment. I want to scream. I want to yell. But, all I can do was cry and cry and then I just want to lay down on my bed doing nothing. I am sad. I feel alone. I am empty. And I hate that fvcking feeling. The only thing I hate about being depressed was that I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me and how can I make myself feel better.

Depression is not a funny thing. It’s not about saying “Everything will be alright” because depression is a fvcking damn hard thing to fight. It is a thing you want to burn and bury but depression let you burn and bury your own self instead. Depression is a mixture of stress, being unwanted, feeling unloved and worthless and most of all it is an unexplainable thing. So, what depression really feels like?

Do you ever been into a dark room, where everything is so dark that you thought you are blind because you can’t see nothing. And then, you found yourself running and running away from that room finding a light inside of it but you found nothing. And then you feel scared and all you can  do is cry and cry and cry. After all those tears running into your eyes, you decided to run again to find a light but then again, you failed. You already feel restless. Then, suddenly you ask yourself “If I can’t escape in this total bullshit, why can’t I love this feeling?” and then you started to embrace the darkness in you without knowing that you let yourself burn by depression. You feel numb, sad, empty and most of all you are breathing but you are already dead inside. You are smiling outside but deep down you are totally sad, messed up and you think of yourself as a total bullshit in this society and THAT IS WHAT DEPRESSION FEELS LIKE. It’s like being in your human body living in a beautiful planet but your soul is in deep down dark room trying to find its way back to Earth.



I know the feeling of being depressed, you can talk to me and I’ll listen to you. Stay alive and try to survive the thing what we call “LIFE”.



P.S: I’ll be writing down “How to Cope Up with Depression” on my next post!


Hindi ko alam, hindi ko alam

Kung saan ito magpapatungo.

Ako’y magbulag-bulagan nalang,

Sa realidad na hindi naman tayo.

Ikaw, ikaw, oo, ikaw!

Mahal kita, oo, sobrang mahal na kita,

Pero what’s the catch?

Puso ko iyo ng na-snatch.

Minsan hindi ko maintindahan,

Minsan sweet, minsan nagkakasawaan,

Mga lalaki nga naman.

Paano, paano ko ba maipapaliwanag,

Ako na ay iyong nabihag,

Ako, ako, oo ako!

Hindi ako perpekto,

Hindi ako yung tipong gusto mo,

Pero bakit ganito?

Bakit nangyayari ito?

Ano nga ba ang pakay mo?

Mahal mo nga ba ako or laro lang ito?

Marami ako tanong,

Na ang sagot ay na sa iyo lamang.

Sa bawat galaw,

Sa bawat pag sinag ng araw,

Ikaw, Ikaw, oo, Ikaw,

Ikaw lang ang laman nito,

Ikaw lang ang tinitibok ng puso ko.

Paano? Paano ko mapipigilan,

Kung pati ako mismo,

Nararamdaman ko’y hindi ko na maintindihan.

Walang “TAYO”

Walang IKAW at AKO

Mundo ko’y sobrang gulo,

Ano nga ba tawag dito?

Nagmamahalan pero wala namang TAYO.

Journey of Us

Andami namang bitter,
Wala daw kasing forever.
Maraming hindi naniniwala,
Parati kasing nauuwi sa wala.
Pero sabi ko, “bahala na”.
“Bahala ka na tadhana”.
Ikaw naman may pakana,
Inutusan mo si kupido, diba?
Kaya ito ako, natamaan ng sobra.
Of all people, bakit ako pa?
Hindi naman sa hindi ako handa.
Pero kasi, ambilis mo namang pumana.

I’ll just go with the flow daw,
Kasi hindi naman nauubos ang araw.
Pero I just want to thank you,
My own little cupido.
For letting me feel loved again,
Wag lang sana akong mainsane.
Sana magtuloy-tuloy nato,
Sana ako na ang para sayo,
Kasi ayoko ng maging panandalian to.
Mahal na nga ba kita?
At natamaan na sayo sinta?
Parati nalang kasi akong nakangiti,
Tuwing ikaw ay bumabati,
Mapa-“goodmorning” to “goodnight”,
Ayoko ng mawala ka in my sight,
Mas lalong lalo na sa aking heart.

Kapit lang tayo sa isa’t isa,
Dahil dito mag-uumpisa,
Ang journey nating dalawa.
Wag ka na sanang mawala ha?
Kasi mahal na kita ng sobra.




too bitter to believe in forever
too numb to feel anything
i am too empty to write
to write things about you
to write things about us
what happened? why so sudden?
but then i found myself
sitting beside my bed
holding a black pen
ready to start our story;
you color my life
like no one else
you are my soulmate
my one only love
you were always there
through thick and thins
we were so happy
so happy together
we dream beyond impossible
we talk different things
from our favorites
to the worst experience
we were so perfect to each other
i always think of you
you always think of me
i loved you so much
that i forgot myself
i was lost, and yet
you found me.
but after a short while
our world turns upside down,
you crush me into pieces
broke me until im empty
and leave me like im a stranger
and then i realized
you are the arrow
i took the aim
and shoot my own heart.