Day 3 of Surviving

  • It’ is okay to cry. 
  • Let it out.
  • Cry as much as you can.
  • Feel the pain. Endure it. Ease it.
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Finding the ‘Right One’

Sometimes we fall for a wrong person. A person who didn’t even notice our own existence. Why? Why does some of us fall for a wrong person? Is it because we think that person is the right one?  People are so busy finding “the one” but end up into the wrong one. Do you ever wonder why you’re hurting right now?

Finding the right person is like going into an unfamiliar road to explore. You need to take risks, even if you’re scared or uncertain of where you are going. While you are on that unfamiliar road, you’ll meet different people and one of them is the wrong person who you think is the right one. You will love him every beat of your heart. He will act like he is the one for you. He will bring you your favorite food when you’re on your period. He will bring you to different places. He will make you the happiest girl in the world. He will be the one to wipe your tears when you are in a difficult situation. Until one day, you will wake up that he already changed. He will call you with a husky voice for you to know that he was crying, but he isn’t. He will tell you this; “I’m sorry, I’m not the person for you. I love you, but you deserve better.”. You will be left broken. You will cry and cry and cry every night. You will curse him to death. You will have a feeling of regrets. You will feel desperate. You will beg for him to stay in your life. You want him to love you back again. And then, you will see him with some girl, prettier and better than you. You will feel insecure. You will feel that you’re not really worth it. You will feel useless. You will feel empty. You will think that the world abandon you. You’ll realize that the unfamiliar road you have taken your risk is not the right way for you, you want to go back but you can’t. You can’t undo your past. You can’t erase the people in your life who hurt you, but rather they will serve as a lesson that will make you a better person. After days of crying and being empty, you will try to move on. You will slowly accept the fact that he is not the right person who will love you at your worst possible behavior. You will figure out that you are really worth it. You are special. You are unique. You are beautiful in your way. And then you will find a friend on your way. He will be there for you even you pushes him away. He will be your shoulder to lean you. You will enjoy his company. He will let you feel like you’re the beautiful girl in the world. You will forget your past. He will never leave you in any situation. You will find him attractive. Slowly you will fall for him. And you will realized the same situation in the past again. You will be wise in your decision and you will apply the lesson you learned from the past which is ‘Wait for the perfect timing.’

 

Always wait for the perfect timing don’t rush things because in some ways, you already meet the right one but in the wrong time.

What Depression Feels Like?

I’ve been so sad this past few weeks. My mind and body was totally shutdown though I’m still breathing. I want to runaway. I want to escape life for a moment. I want to scream. I want to yell. But, all I can do was cry and cry and then I just want to lay down on my bed doing nothing. I am sad. I feel alone. I am empty. And I hate that fvcking feeling. The only thing I hate about being depressed was that I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me and how can I make myself feel better.

Depression is not a funny thing. It’s not about saying “Everything will be alright” because depression is a fvcking damn hard thing to fight. It is a thing you want to burn and bury but depression let you burn and bury your own self instead. Depression is a mixture of stress, being unwanted, feeling unloved and worthless and most of all it is an unexplainable thing. So, what depression really feels like?

Do you ever been into a dark room, where everything is so dark that you thought you are blind because you can’t see nothing. And then, you found yourself running and running away from that room finding a light inside of it but you found nothing. And then you feel scared and all you can  do is cry and cry and cry. After all those tears running into your eyes, you decided to run again to find a light but then again, you failed. You already feel restless. Then, suddenly you ask yourself “If I can’t escape in this total bullshit, why can’t I love this feeling?” and then you started to embrace the darkness in you without knowing that you let yourself burn by depression. You feel numb, sad, empty and most of all you are breathing but you are already dead inside. You are smiling outside but deep down you are totally sad, messed up and you think of yourself as a total bullshit in this society and THAT IS WHAT DEPRESSION FEELS LIKE. It’s like being in your human body living in a beautiful planet but your soul is in deep down dark room trying to find its way back to Earth.

 

 

I know the feeling of being depressed, you can talk to me and I’ll listen to you. Stay alive and try to survive the thing what we call “LIFE”.

 

 

P.S: I’ll be writing down “How to Cope Up with Depression” on my next post!